Quick update

Just wanted to let everyone know I'm doing alright. Every day is different and has to be dealt with differently.

I miss dad everyday, but there's nothing I can do to bring him back. So I get up every morning, go to work and deal with my sorrow as it comes. Fortunately, I have a lot of wonderful people in my life who support me and that includes the ladies at work (some more than others...and they know who they are).

This past weekend we were in Hershey, Coatesville, and Lancaster celebrating my uncle Brian's 40th birthday (hershey) and Diana's 24th (c-ville/lancaster).
We had a great time and it was a much needed distraction for us!

We are working all this week and then headed to North Myrtle Beach on Saturday for our 1st Anniversary! I can't believe how fast this year has gone! Wow! More on that next time!

I'm trying to get some stuff done around the house so it's done before we leave! I better get going!

Much love to you all!

Taryne Lee

Today is my beautiful niece Taryne's birthday. It's hard to believe that just 2 years ago we got to meet her!

She is such a ray of sunshine. She lights up the room when she walks in...unless she's sleepy or grumpy, of course. I love my sweet little peanut and am so glad that when the days are bad I have her to brighten my day. Being an aunt is amazing...and I love watching her grow. It's just hard to believe that she's getting so big.

It's hard to believe that just a year ago, she was so small and had so little hair! Look at her! This is from our wedding:

(photo courtesy Teri Enciso-Albarano)

Now here she is this week...so different, so grown up, playing in the hot tub.

Isn't she just the cutest thing you've ever seen?? Tho, I guess I'm a little biased.

HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY T-BIRD!!!!!
Aunt Sarah Loves you sooooooooo much more than you'll ever know. Can't wait to have your party on Friday at Grammy's house!

Therapy...

Every Tuesday and Thursday...with a few exceptions, I walk with a group of friends from my church. It's a nice time with friends and it's great to be out of the house getting some exercise!

Well, this week my nice walk with friends got a totally new meaning for me. Tuesday was nice, but I was still very emotional because it was my first day back to work after Dad's funeral. Today was good though, because mom came with me. Even though mom and I are still hurting so bad, it was a wonderful way for the two of us to talk and enjoy ourselves a little bit.

Tho, it doesn't seem right that we have a good time. We don't know what we're supposed to do...are we allowed to smile, laugh, and enjoy ourselves?! I feel like I should be in this constant cloud of sadness. Most of the time, I am...but sometimes I feel a smile come to my face and it feels so good. We watched a movie tonight and I laughed really hard...now I feel so guilty for doing it.

I just miss my dad so much. We didn't talk everyday, but I won't ever get to talk to him again. Now I'll never feel his prickly mustache-y kisses and I'll never hear him call me Sassy again. I'll never get to give him the granddaughter he wanted so badly to spoil. I do know that my daughter will be given the name he wanted me to have, which is Hannah.

I can't help but sit here and cry tonight. I just want so badly to see my dad again.

Bobby keeps asking why I'm crying tonight...did he do something, he says. Of course not dear, I'm just crying for my dad. There's just so much pain inside my heart and this is the only way that it can spill out...through my eyeballs.

When I started this little blog I wasn't sure that I would keep up with it...now I feel like I have to so that my dad can hear me. I want him to continue to be proud of me and know what's going on in my life...even though I know he's watching over me every day seeing all I do, but now he can hear my thoughts, too.

Now I'll go to bed with a heavy heart and a cloudy mind. I won't be able to sleep very well, because my mind will be running with memories of my dad. I hope none of you ever have to feel this pain, it's just too much.

God bless you all.

Every song on the radio reminds me of dad today. My heart hurts so much.

We'll meet again...some sunny day.

H. Alan Houck
September 12, 1955 - June 30, 2009

Daddy,

It's so hard to believe you're gone. Just last week we were all hanging out in the pool and in the rain. There's so much I want to say to you and I feel that this is going to be the best way to do it.

I know that God took you from us because you wouldn't have wanted to live hooked up to those machines. I wish that the doctors would have tried harder, I wish that you would have at least been alive long enough for us to say goodbye to you.

If there's one thing that I've learned through all of this, it's that the people in our lives are all amazing. The support that all of our friends and family have given to us has been unbelievable. Who would have known that somewhere near 700 people would have come to say goodbye to you.

I'm sure that you know how Ben and I felt about you as kids. You were scary and mean. And we both always wished you would have left us. The relationship that you and mom had when we were growing up was terrible. There were times when it was good for all of us, but we had a lot of bad times.

When you left and Ben and I were adults, we were glad but at the same time, my heart was broken. How could you have left me without saying goodbye? I was so angry with you and it took a long time for that hurt to go away. But we fixed things you and me. I was daddy's girl again.

I'm so glad that you and Ben fixed things. He was so angry with you too, because you hurt mom. But finally, on father's day this year, you guys really fixed things. You have no idea, or maybe you do, how much it means to him to have heard you say you're proud of him. Those are the words that he's going to cling to when he misses you. And he will.

I know that you loved mom, even though you had a hard time showing it. She is lost without you already. But I promise, I'll take care of her. We'll get everything straightened out and make sure that she has the support she needs. David, Denny & Donna, Tim & Anita, Tom & Carol, and Craig and Jan will take care of her. But so will her brothers and sister, and your family will, too.

I hope that you're looking down and enjoying the party that we've been having for you. Don't be mad because we cry, we're hurting and that's the only way to let out our grief. I know you and Pappy Harry are watching over us and protecting us.

The happiest memory of you that I'll have is that you walked me down the aisle at my wedding. I know that you loved Bobby as much as I do and you were proud of the choice that I made. Bobby is going to miss you, too. He loves you too.


I don't know what else to say now. I still believe that someone had to pull out in front of you because you could have driven home with your eyes closed. You wouldn't have wrecked unless someone caused you to. Only you will know what happened but I wish you could tell me. Hopefully you'll visit me in my dreams so that I can see your smile again.

I really wanted to give you grandchildren to spoil. I promise that when we do have kids that they will know what an amazing grandfather they had. They would have loved to swim and play with you.

I love you, Daddy. My life won't be the same without you.
I'll always be your little girl. Love you always,
Sassy