Something to share

It's time for me to finally share this with you...I've avoided posting about this because I had a lot of false hope and was really let down.

For the past month and a half, I thought I was pregnant. But, as I found out Saturday...I'm not.

I was so excited and had already thought about how I was going to change our spare room into the nursery. I had already thought about the finish of the crib and the rest of the furniture. I was looking forward to traveling to the beach this summer and having my big belly and enjoying every moment of it.

The back story - I posted back in September that I was going off the pill...and I did. Life has been marvelous since then. My mood swings have decreased and I've not been so down-in-the-dumps. We aren't actively trying to have a child, but I can't really say that we're doing much to prevent it.

Anyway...I haven't had my period in 2 months, so I took a HPT 2 weeks ago...it was negative. But, I knew that annual appointment was coming up with Dr. Stever, so I figured I would talk to him about it. So, I did...he gave me a script for blood work and told me that depending on what the lab said, if I wasn't pregnant he would have to put me on meds to help me ovulate...which would be why I hadn't gotten my period in 2 months.

I went last Monday and had the blood drawn and waited the whole week to hear from Dr. Stever. He called me on Saturday night and told me that the blood tests were also negative for pregnancy. I was crushed!!!! It wasn't enough that the HPT was negative, but to hear the doctor say it made it even worse for me. What he did tell me is that my Thyroid levels were a little high and that I would have to have the blood work repeated.

Did I mention that I HATE needles?!?!

So...today I went and blood drawn again...now it'll be a waiting game to hear from him. I'm either going to have to go on medication to help me ovulate...or to lower my Thyroid levels.

And I know what you're thinking..."It'll happen when it's supposed to happen." I know that, but that's not what I wanted to hear from anyone. I wish someone would've said, it's okay to be angry, sad, and everything else that I was feeling. One of the girls at work said that she didn't think I was ready to have kids yet...but we've been together for 6 years and yes, I am ready.

I hope you understand why I couldn't share what was going on with me...I spent the past 2 months looking forward to something that I can't have yet because my body isn't working right. And I know it's going to be a few more months until we can think about trying because it'll take a while for the drugs to work. When I hear from Dr. Stever again, I'll let you know what my real problem is...and what the next step is so that we can have a little one sometime soon.